For the past few weeks, America has been kinda down. Terrorists seized four jumbo jets in mid flight, and crashed two of them into Twin Towers in New York, a third into the Pentagon in D.C., and were just about to hit another target, when passengers aboard the flight learned of the terrorists' plans. Adrenaline gushed through their bodies as they rushed the hijackers, forcing them to crash in an open filed in Pennsylvania. *Special Thanks to those aboard that flight, you are some of America's Greatest Heroes. On a sunny day with beautiful clear blue skies, thousands and thousands of people died in a horrible surprise. America's pride, economy, and security were all damaged. Every American has been thinking about what happened, who is responsible, why they did it, what we are going to do to them, and what they might do to us. Basically, Americans just found out that there are some people we just cannot share this planet with.

So! Does anybody feel like going to a rave?

No, not really, at least not for a little while. Everybody felt like doing nothing. Professional Football and Baseball games were canceled for the first time I can remember, movie theaters were mostly empty, and the already fragile So Cal Rave Scene was very, very, quite.

This week was the third week after the attacks. Americans made a deliberate and consciences effort to get "back to normal". This week, the news was not exclusively about the September 11th Terrorism. This week everybody either dealt with it, repressed it, or did whatever they had to do in order to get "back to normal", although we don't actually know what normal is anymore. People tried to get back to their own lives again, and tried not to think about the attacks every single minute of every single day. This week, some people acted as if nothing ever happened, or at least that they were not going to let what happened change their life.

I know I haven't felt like partying. It just doesn't seem right to be out having a great time after such a tragedy. On the other hand, my body and mind were beginning to turn to mush from not raving, and smoking cigarettes in my apartment was not going to kill Osama bin Laden or clean up the World Trade Center any faster.

So! Does anybody feel like going to a rave?

Well, not as much as I normally would. Usually when I go to a party I nearly forget about, or at least put into perspective, all of my regular world problems. That was not going to be the case this time.

Anyway, Lila, Marcus, Jessica and I headed to a party called Virtue at the Cadillac Club in hopes of getting excercise, hearing loud music, and having fun. When we got there, we noticed that the parking lot was mostly empty, but the venue seemed to be crowded. The capacity of the Cadiallac club was reduced to only 700, compared to over 4,000 at Bigger. Even after GO, which was supposed to be the same night (but had a much better line up) was canceled, Virtue was just crowded enough. Inside were average sets of Trance, Hardcore, Jungle, and some Breaks. There were Cande Ravers, there were Junglists, Thee-o was scratching away on his white record, there was some semblence of the vibe you go to a rave for, but not everything was the same.

Who were these people? There were new faces, which is fine, but it seemed that many of the regular party kids werent here. I guess we were at a rave, but when I saw Melanie, I remember asking her "What is there to do?"

"What is there to do?" she repeated with a curious look on her face. "Your already at a rave, what more do you expect to be doing?" she thought.

Good question. I dont know what more I could want, maybe some House? No, that wasn't it, the lack of House alone wasn't to blame for my apathy. Tonight, I was just going through the motions. I was at a party so that I could be at a party, so that I could get "back to normal", so that I could support the scene, but I never felt that feeling of pure bliss. The feeling that stays with me for a few weeks, that cleanses my soul and gives me a positive outlook on everything.

I don't know for sure what was missing from the party, or maybe from myself, but when I left, I only felt half as good as I normally do after a party. If I had to guess, I would say that it was the sadness and insecurity we have all felt since September 11th that kept me from feeling that the world could be a perfect place, even for a little while.


below: typical raveshots photo

and to the right: ravers digest interpretation =>

Thanks to this guy here for interrupting his rave to get
batteries for my camera,
with which I took below
average pictures such
as the one to the right.

Words and photos by Mark 37







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