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"what a fuckin wierd week, dude!", i shouted to Aimee
over the sound of wind rushing through car windows at 70 miles
an hour. we were on our way back from the reverberating world
of darkness into the light of early morning (actually it was
12 noon, but to us it was early...or late, depending on how you
look at it). The light's brightness made me reflect on the events
of the past five days: I had experienced pain (I got pierced),
pleasure (I partied in San Diego), and a number of emotional
roller-coaster rides (maybe I'll talk about that later). The
climax of the week, however, was last night. I rounded up a couple
carloads of people to join me in the Festivities at the Family
8 Year Anniversary party (Happy Birthday, Family!). After a couple
of the usual unexpected sidetracks and stumbling blocks that
occur without fail on the way to raves, we arrived on the scene
at about 12:30 or 1:00am. On our way to the front gate, my car
buddies and I ran into some old friends who I hadn't seen in
a while, which is always a nice surprise. We then passed through
security relatively unscathed (oh, what? there's security here?
oh shit! oh wait, they aren't searching girls, its cool), and
proceeded to weave our way through the crowded smokiness of the
outdoor area towards the building that sheltered the dance floor.
On the way, we ran into even more people I haven't seen in quite
some time, and naturally conversation ensued...but after a couple
minutes, Louis, Aimee, (my car buddies for the evening) and I
got impatient and decided to go dance. We pushed the door of
the building open and stepped inside. |
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I was immediately soaked in a lovely mix of bass and treble.
Ahh, House! It had been too long since its lovely embrace had
enveloped me. I smiled as my feet easily picked up the rhythm
and began to carry me across the floor. I was slow and rusty
at first, but after a little bit of warming up (and herbal refreshment)
I was in tune with both my body and the music. In fact, I couldn't
seem to stop dancing. I only stopped to watch other people who
could dance well, or to continue the never-ending "refreshment"
process.
While I was dancing something within me clicked...changed...altered...and
my then present dance style morphed into something new. I didn't
realize it at first, because it felt so natural, but when I did,
the realization made me grin from ear to ear. the best part of
the whole situation was that my new style was completely different
from my old one, and i didn't even consciously try to change
it. Though it was terribly primitive and in need of a lot of
development, I saw how intricate it could become. The experience
was exhilarating, and luckily some of my closest friends were
there to witness it.
I would have danced all night in the warmth of the crowd and
the glare of the wonderfully under lit warehouse, but I had to
ride some coasters instead. I have decided not to go into the
details of these stomach-turning events, because it's a touchy
subject and I know none of you want to read about my petty little
dramas, but I will say this: I was on the verge of destroying
something that was once beautiful for the sake of my own personal
freedom. Freedom is something people fight for, die for...dance
for. I had to stop and ask myself, "Why am I squandering
mine?" This very question meandered through my head as the
night wore on, and even though I was agonizing over the answer,
the party was so damn good, so simple, so Family, that I was
able to toss the drama aside and just dance...and dance...and
dance...till the inevitable coming of dawn and the end of the
party.
The sun forces one to face reality, and that's what I looked
straight in the eye today. After a long battle with myself, and
those involved, I chose freedom and the unknown over comfort
and the familiar. I'm still not sure if I chose the right path,
for my heartaches over that which I have destroyed, yet at the
same time it rejoices. I feel more like myself than I have in
what feels like forever; wild and free and full of hopes and
dreams. The world is at my fingertips, just waiting for me to
come traverse its many lands. I wish that everyone could grasp
this concept (there would be a lot less heartache), but as Mark
says we are not all "cut from the same cloth" and cannot
be expected to share the same exact ideas. So, here I am, starting
every aspect of my life anew, from my social life to my style
of dance, all at the same time. It's almost scary and overwhelming,
but it feels so goddamn good...
Thanks Family for throwing a great rave! I look forward to
the next unification of the masses. |
